Twelve things I’ve learned about using dating apps when you’re a busy professional
It’s possible to spend A LOT of time scrolling, replying to messages and meeting people. There are ways to save time - the one hour coffee date is a favourite of mine. I hour, one coffee, one conversation. It’s enough time for you both to decide if you’d like to meet again. It also gives you a good week or so to process everything the date has said and decide if spending time with them again with be a great idea or a rubbish idea (or just fun).
Be crystal clear on your profile about who you are and what you are looking for. It’s doesn’t matter what that is as long as you are clear in your mind. Change it when you realise it’s not representative of who you are. Again, saves a huge amount of time
Use a current photo with no filters. Avoid pictures of you doing more interesting activities (in my case aerial skills class) to save attracting ‘life tourists’ - trust me on this one.
Lots of folk use dating apps purely for self validation and have no intention of actually ever meeting up. Avoid lengthily messaging to weed them out. Stay on the app until you’ve met, don’t give too much personal information about your place of work, where you live etc. There are some weirdos out there.
Using a site which connects to a users Instagram account is a great way to check them out before meeting (are they married for example) (you’d be surprised how many people say they are single when they are not).
Safety first - always meet in a public place, tell a friend who you are meeting and when, check in with the friend by text. If they’re a decent person they will totally support this.
It’s ok to get up and leave. If you must, text your friend from the loo and ask them to call you so you have an excuse to leave. Ideally just leave.
If you don’t want to see someone again, just say “no thanks” when asked. No excuses or reasons are required. You don’t need to leave them a lengthy review. They’re just not for you and that’s ok.
Avoid dating those with the “crazy ex”. Either they love crazies or they are a crazy maker. Either way this is a major red flag.
Be clear in your mind about your values, ask about theirs. Shared values will get you further in life than chemistry.
Avoid the “situationship”. Ending up with someone who doesn’t want the same as you, disrespects you and lets you down. Create a life you love and then chose a romantic partner to enhance this, not to fill in the gaps. Also don’t be a boredom filler for others.
Get great with rejection, don’t over invest in people you know nothing about, see the upside of the honesty and move on.
Clare Honeyfield is a success coach working with women entrepreneurs. Clare has a 25 year track record of setting up and running award winning and successful social businesses and has worked with many thousands of women business owners to help them to get focus, get direction and achieve success.